Bad. Sad.

Well now that it’s been a good 2 weeks since I blogged… I have been in a consistent, down-in-the-dumps, depressed, sad, anxious, awful mood since basically the last time I wrote. So that is basically why I haven’t wrote. I’m talkin’ not just no motivation or desire to work out, but basically not even to eat. Food is just another pain in my ass on the day-to-day lately. I’m bored with food, nothing tastes that great, and when I do eat it’s been junky. Small quantities of junk, but still junk nonetheless. All I’ve wanted to do is sleep. I wish I could elaborate more on here but I am extremely miserable in one very big aspect of my life, and lately it consumes me. I’m surrounded by negativity and usually my morning workouts are the only time I feel at peace. That and at night when I’m home with John and we laugh and talk cuddle. Those middle hours are the ones that get me.

I can’t even describe my lack of workouts as lack of motivation completely because it’s borderline something else… I just don’t care. And that is something I haven’t felt in the 3 years I’ve been actively working out. Running and spinning and just sweating in general makes me happy. Yet lately all I think about is sleep, and so my hour long morning workouts, or heck even 20 minutes would suffice, have been filled with sleep. And sadly, not even good sleep. I’m so anxious that I wake up a ton in the night and can tell I’m not really fully asleep. Hello, stomach aches for the past 2 weeks straight. Plus waking John up with the nightmares I have when I am asleep. Yeah- miserable is the word to describe how I’ve felt the last 2 weeks. But as usual, I am not giving up hope and I know that this too shall pass. I had a great workout on Saturday morning that left me feeling pretty good for a few hours, so I know once I get back in the swing of things I’ll feel good for a larger part of the time again. I hate to use excuses, but seriously this weather? It certainly doesn’t help how I’m feeling.

So maybe for now I need to fake it til I make it, eh? But on the real- I need those middle hours of the day to be filled with something that makes me happy. If you catch my drift.

Have you ever hit a serious apathetic slump?

Has it ever been caused by the… “middle hours” of your day?

6 thoughts on “Bad. Sad.”

  1. It is time for a REALLY GOOD therapist! I have been where you are, and know of many people who’ve been where you are and the ONLY remedy I know for it is THERAPY. Talk to Boom baby. You know how she feels about doing it. I am holding you in LOVING LIGHT baby! Keep pushing!!

    1. Thanks momma 2 so much. You are a great support! I haven’t been to my therapist in a few months because I felt my anti-depressants were doing their job, but I think you’re right that it’s time to go back to her! Love you!!

      1. Yeah! I’m proud of you! It takes courage and determination when you are feeling like you are to push ahead. You go sweetheart!

  2. It seems so cliche, but my Mom always tells me – Get up, Dress up. Show up.
    I definitely understand going through those times when you just do not want to do anything, or go anywhere. And it is definitely a matter of faking it till you make it – if you do it enough times, it will become routine to just make yourself get up, get ready, and get going. In the mean time, talking to someone is so helpful, so good for you and your courage for recognizing that and utilizing the resources around you! For those middle of the day hours, whenever you have a chance while you are feeling blah, take a second to think why. What could change that moment for you? Even if it is the craziest answer, identifying what it is that you need to change about the yucky middle part of the day can give you something to work towards! (I know this is how I spend the majority of my work days! 😛 ) There is no overnight fix, but look at all you have accomplished so far! You are so much stronger than you think you are, and in those moments of weakness, sometimes reminding yourself that can be helpful. Keep it up, girl – you got this this!

    1. I totally love that idea to just get up and get dressed!! It really does work and you’re right- after awhile you actually WANT to do it. Same with just moping around.. after awhile, you start to only want to do that! Girl, we really need to get together one of these days!!

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